First Cadaver Day

As medical students, we are given many privileges over normal students. While I remember learning anatomy from a textbook in undergrad (often times with drawn rather than real pictures), we are given the unique opportunity to learn anatomy from actual bodies.

We started off by discussing dissections in general and talking about conduct around the laboratory. We were told the sacrifice and altruism the donors had when they donated their bodies. They were in full knowledge of what would happen to them and agreed to donate themselves after death to train a new generation of doctors.

We headed downstairs towards the basement, where our labs were situated and were given a chance to group up and find our cadavers we would be working with. Each station was equipped with a hand washing station and a monitor with which we could observe our instructors and the dissections they were doing.

Anticipating seeing a dead body for the first time, I was feeling a bit queasy and uneasy; however, what I found was that the cadaver was fairly far removed from what a human looks like when alive. The skin is hardened and frozen in place from the formaldehyde and the skin is just a shade of grey. The face is covered up and the only exposed areas were the torso.

Overall, I think today was a very humbling experience, to see the body of a deceased person, and also a very unique experience, one that only a few members of society will ever experience.

To end this post, I would like to post a thank-you to all those who donated their bodies and to the families of these people. Not only to my cadaver, but also to all the people out there, the medical schools cross-Canada and also internationally, that have made the altruistic sacrifice to help us learn.

Journeys

Have any of you ever worked like hell for something and when you finally get it, you realize the end-product isn't as important as you thought? But in self-reflection you find that the journey itself is what was truly important?

Let me take you through my experiences. Of course for the past few years, I've dedicated every waking moment to making it into medicine, to get that letter in the mail affirming my end goal of becoming a doctor. But in reflection, what was really important? Was it the piece of paper with patterns of black ink on it? Or was it rather the journey towards it, the experiences you had, the growth your character has experienced, and who you have become as a result of the journey that matters?

My journey towards my letter has hardly been a easy one. I've experienced crushing failures, gotten up from them, and learned from my mistakes. I still remember applying for my first time and receiving the letter of rejection. I had poured my blood, sweat, and tears into making it into medicine and having a letter telling me I wasn't good enough felt like being hit with a sack of bricks. While I moped and cried for a while, I realized that I could not give up, I needed to get up and try again. Looking back to this experience, I'm glad I was rejected, the failure (while it hurt) was one of the most useful experiences I could ever have had. I took a long hard look at myself and improved myself, made myself into a better person, and a better future doctor.

I sincerely believe that due to the journey, whether I had made it into medicine or not, I would have become a better person.

Now, I'm walking along another path, one where I know the outcome, but the path is hardly going to be easy. I've already hit obstacles already. I know that the next 6-9 years (residency + med school) will be tough, that I will stumble, and I will fall, but I know that after these years, I'm going to be a different person. A better person, and perhaps one that is equipped with the character to help make a difference in the world. And this time I know that it isn't just the MD that is important, but the experiences and the lessons that lead me to that MD.

From Science to Emotion

Throughout my undergraduate program medical school so far, I learned about human physiology and (to some extent) disease. I found the material interesting, but nevertheless bookish and abstract. It was intriguing to learn about masses growing in the brain, to read about case studies of patients in far away places and what behavioral deficits it resulted in. For instance the famous cases of HM (seizure patient, surgical intervention, leading to permanent loss of long term memory formation) and Phineas Gage (pole through the frontal lobes leading to a complete change in personality) that have probably been written about in every brain-related textbook in the past few decades.

But reading about these cases is so completely different than approaching a patient. It's so easy to sit in a room, discussing amongst doctors about an interesting brain tumor they find on a patient. But walking up to a human being, sitting down, and telling someone that they have brain cancer is a completely different story. As doctors have a multiplicity of times told me, you learn to separate yourself from the emotions, from the patient. But how do you do that, is it possible to completely distance yourself? I have thus far been lucky not to have seen someone get bad news and am far too early in the game to have given someone bad news, but how do you completely emotionally distance yourself from a situation like that? Back to the brain cancer example, you probably have sat down and given the person and maybe even the family, the worst news that they have ever heard in their lives. How do you not emotionally respond, how do you not empathize with that person?

But by the same token, we can't. Everyday, especially if you work in a hospital, you will be surrounded by people like this. You'll be walking from cancer patients to trauma patients to coma patients etc. If a doctor empathesized and felt the sorrow from every single person they saw, well they probably wouldn't last for too long...

Med School is a Little Like High School

So, as promised my next blog is about med school.

Med school is actually a lot like high school, you don't notice it at first, but if you are separated from it for a little amount of time (like the holidays where you go back home) looking back at it, it's a lot different than undergrad and a lot like high school.

You have the group of popular beautiful people, various other cliques, the few people that nobody really knows and who just go in/out of classes and all the wonderous associated drama that happens.

Really, in undergrad, I had kind of gotten used to being away from this whole high school social thing. My classes were always huge, and my program didn't have my entire schedule set out for me, so really, the people in my classes differed all the time. I would rarely even sit next to the same person. I had close friends I met along the way in undergrad and I would hang out with them, but really there was no popularity contests or social stresses inside school itself.

New Moon (A Change-Up for Once: Non-Medical Post!)

So, I am ashamed to say, all the hype going around tempted me to go see New Moon. The story is kind of unique (*dodges the stones hurled by my readers), but I must say, I hate spending money and time on a movie and watching something that pisses me off. (SPOILERS AHEAD!!!)

The entire movie, I felt so frustrated and unfulfilled - for lack of a better word. The entire movie, things start happening, but they never quite happen, even though you keep on anticipating it happening. For instance, Edward never ever fully kisses Bella, you just see them sort of dodge around it for a bit. Then it got even worse near the end when you had to wait a few seconds between every single word that Edward was saying. Additionally, the same sort of thing happened with Jacob and Bella. He just keeps going for her, but you just keep watching her dodge around the relationship and acting all angsty.

Also, I really don't understand why Edward would commit suicide without confirmation of anything. Really, some random guy in Bella's house told him over the phone that her Dad was making preparations for a funeral. Why would he not verify it was Bella who died before doing what he did? Perhaps it was her grandmother, mother, etc...

I shall probably return to medical posts on my next one. Just thought I'd put this short post out there for all the New Moon hype.

PS: I think Ashley Greene (the actress that plays Alice) is totally the hottest girl in the movie.

Residual Stress and the Mysterious CARMs

So, my next blog post will be about the "stress" that I've been experiencing lately. Really, the pre-clinical years in a Canadian Med School should be pretty chill. Your not on rotations or clinical work yet, and for the most part a lot of the pressure to get a A+ (since it doesn't exist anymore) is gone. You get either a H, P, F or a P, F (H: Honors, P: Pass, F: Fail) depending on which Canadian school you go to.

However, I think that I still have some of that residual pre-med keener still roaring inside of me, and I can't help but stress about small things. One of the things that I have been stressing about is the CARMs match I will have to undergo in 4 years time (it's a program in Canada that matches a MD graduate to the residency/specialty that they want) and how I am supposed to prepare for it. The only problem with this is that I have no idea what I even want to do yet, aside from the fact that I want to work with patients (so probably no to radiology, pathology, and the laboratory-based specialties). And if you don't really even know what you want to do, there really is not much of a way to prepare for it (aside from basic stuff like get involved in activities and trying not to fail a course).

The one aspect of CARMs that really does stress me out is my lack of knowledge concerning the weighting of the different components of the application. Does research count for a lot of your evaluation? How much research is enough research? Is it really the reference letters/clinical rotations in the latter bit of my MD that matters?

Recent Articles on Med School Admissions

http://www.cbc.ca/news/citizenbytes/2009/12/doctor_shortage_a_medical_stud.html
[In a nutshell: Girl thinks it's too competitive to get into a Canadian med school, goes off overseas to go to med school. Worries about not being able to come back to Canada to practice. B***hes about it.]

http://www.globecampus.ca/in-the-news/globecampusreport/perfectly-qualified-but-cant-get-in/
[In a nutshell: The Globe and Mail talks about how hard it is to get into medicine nowadays. How you have to be super smart as well as really well-rounded. They cite an example of a World Champion Jump-Rope Skipper in Dalhousie.]

My thoughts: Yes, they are both correct that med school is actually insanely difficult to get into nowadays. There is more than certainly a balance of luck, academic intelligence, charisma, and extra-academic qualities that must be fulfilled. People miss admissions by a sliver every year.

The upside to all this: Yes it is ridiculous to get in; however, once you make it in, you get to work with and learn from a group of amazing peers. Working with each other for the next 4 years will give you an opportunity to learn all that your colleagues have learned and thus make you a better doctor. When you pack in 100-200 of people like this into a classroom and allow them to work closely with each other for 3-4 years, you'll be surprised as to the amount you will learn from each other and the things that you will achieve. For example, in every med school throughout Canada, not only do the students learn how to be doctor, but if you check it out, med students are really well involved. They run ridiculous amounts of charity work and extra-curricular activities.

I really have been noticing that my classmates are very well-rounded people. I mean this in the sense that, had they not gone into medicine but rather into business, or law, or research, they would also have led very successful careers. I think that med school admissions have become more-so like this since the late 90s and it will truly be interesting to see what these people will bring into the world. Many of these doctors are finishing up their residencies now and beginning to become fully fledged doctors, it will be a wonder to see what these emerging doctors will do in our society. (You can see much evidence of it now already, for my fellow med students out there, I'm sure you've noticed a lot of the people involved in your medical education are actually fairly young and were admitted around that time frame. Many of them go onto do research, or fight for policies, etc).